Dear Tres, Bryant, and Ava Sophia

I wanted you before you were born. Each one of you took me by surprise, and while I was shocked, I was also thrilled. I loved (almost) every minute of being pregnant with you. I loved feeling you move and knowing that God had a purpose and a plan for you. I loved how with Tres I craved cantaloupe, with Bryant I craved Reese's ice cream, and with Sophie I could devour an entire watermelon by myself. I loved standing in the mirror and seeing my baby bump and wondering what you each would look like... act like... sound like. I loved shopping for your first tiny outfits and washing them and folding them and getting your rooms all ready. I loved how your dad would cater to my every whim. I loved feeling you have hiccups. And I loved seeing you suck your thumb on the ultrasound. I loved the day we officially hooked the infant carrier in the car, 'just in case' you came early, which you all three did!

I loved you when you were born. The first hour after you were born was the happiest form of torture! I could see you, I could examine every inch of you... but I couldn't touch you yet. I remember how I would sing to you and all of you seemed to turn your head and search for me. I saw your face on your birth days and I knew that I was in love. I knew that I had chosen to love... and love deeply... before you. But there was no choice now with you. It was a love that came as naturally as breathing. Before you were an hour old, I had you memorized. I knew how you felt. I knew your cry and learned to discern it in the midst of dozens of other crying children.

When you turned one and we threw ridiculously large parties that you would never remember... I loved you. In that first year, each of your personalities developed so thoroughly. Tres was my joy and my light, smiling at every one and at every opportunity. Bryant was my brown eyed chunky monkey! A mini version of his Daddy with charm to spare! And Ava Sophia, a spicy little lovable diva. My tart and tiny. Momma's girl, through and through.

I loved every bottle I washed, every stain that I scrubbed, every diaper I changed, every story I read, every boo-boo I kissed. All of these things were my complete and honest pleasure. God gave you to me. God trusted me with three tiny treasures (and you were all tiny! Tres was 5 lb. 14 oz. Bryant was 6 lb. 7 oz. and Sophie was 5 lb. 1 oz.)

I hate every nightmare you have, Tres. But I love how you will still come to me and let me hug you and comfort you. I hated every ear infection you had, Bryant... but loved the sweet way you would play with my hair as we waited on one of the three sets of tubes to relieve your pain. I hated breathing treatments and asthma attacks, Ava Sophia... but I love how you trusted me inexplicably as we learned together about the inhaler and nebulizer.

I love watching you now, interacting with one another and I love to dream about how your relationships will develop as you grow. I love seeing Bryant follow Tres to the ends of the earth. I love seeing Bryant fulfill every one of Sophie's demands/requests. And I love seeing Sophie desperately trying to keep up with her brother's impossibly fast pace.

I love hearing you pray. I love to talk to you about Jesus. I love watching you sleep. I love to smell your hair after your bath. I love it when we laugh together. I love watching you be your dad's helpers and buddies. I love watching you learn how to love back.

I would not be the person I am today, if it were not for you three. I love you. I wanted you. I would die for you. You are my world.

Mom